30 September 2005

Holding the Man

Two words: MUST READ

Holding the Man is an incredible autobiographical novel told by Timothy Conigrave. We meet Tim in high school in Melbourne, Australia and follow him throughout his formative years, discovering his sexuality and ultimately meeting the love of his life, John. We follow these two throughout their often strained, but never waivering relationship. Through separation at college, to weeks away on business, extra-relationship affairs, disapproving family and life-threatening illness we see both the flaws and the strengths these two men have.


Tim and John

What I love most about this book is that we see a gay couple who are unabashedly in love with each other, and don't give a toss as to what others think of their relationship. Their love radiates outward and shines on whomever they encounter. They have high and low points, but no matter what they encounter they always remain a couple. I think that is what struck me so much in reading this book. Far too often we see couples who go their separate ways rather than stay and fight for what they have. While disappointing each other several times in their years together, Tim and John always remained in each other's hearts.

I won't give away the ending of the book, but needless to say I was in tears for the last 10 pages. It was difficult to read, and I had become so attached to these people that I felt a loss when I was finished. The friends they made are truly blessed to have known them, and I felt myself wishing I knew them as well.

When I was done reading the book I crawled into bed and held my partner Nick tight, sobbing into a pillow. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He kissed me and drifted back to sleep, and at that moment I felt such an intense love for him that I didn't want to let go.

Anyone who is in love, has ever loved or who wants to read an amazing love story of two people who overcome life and death together MUST read this book. It will forever remain close to my heart, and a book I will re-read for many years to come.

29 September 2005

mmmmm.......massage

This weekend my man and I are getting massages. I can't wait!! There's nothing better than a good massage to reinvigorate your body and mind.

When we lived in Rhode Island, we were massage whores. We would go at least once every two weeks, sometimes weekly. Our massage therapist Matt at Heart In Hand Massage is THE most amazing masseuse EVER. He spoiled us rotten, and when we moved back to New York, the thing we lamented about the most was not getting our regularly scheduled dosage of massage.

About a year ago we stumbled upon this place in Port Jefferson called Bodywise. I had always planned on checking the place out and giving it a test run, but either finances or schedules always got in the way. Fortunately, the past few weeks have been relatively calm for us, and the cash flow situation has improved greatly now that I have my new job. So I called to make appointments for us this Saturday. The anticipation of lying naked (sheet covering the fleshy pink bits, of course) on someone's table while they work over my muscles is giving me goose bumps!

And no, we don't get "happy endings"!

27 September 2005

Pardon me, did you get the license plate of the truck that ran me over?

I am getting far too old to be drinking like a rock star.

Last Saturday Nick and I got it into our brains that it would be fun to get our neighbor Jim and go out to dinner then drinks afterward. A little background on Jim -- he's a 41 year-old gay man looking for love in all the wrong places. Or at the very least, finding it with weirdos. He's never really hung out with gay friends in a social setting -- he's either gone out with straight friends to straight bars (he's semi-closeted) or has met other gay guys through work, etc. So we've sorta taken him under our wing to introduce him to the wonderful world of gay bars, Fire Island, and having gay friends. He's a really nice guy once you get to know him, and has a lot to offer a potential mate, if only he can find someone who's not psychotic. Any takers?

Me, Jim, Nick

So anyway, we decide to go to Dave & Busters in Islandia for dinner, followed by the Bunk House in Sayville. Bunk House was having a theme night -- circus night -- complete with carnival-type games, decorations, and of course gay men. (Anywhere there is a gathering of gay men is sure to be a circus.)

The club started off slow, so we started drinking fast. That's what you do, right? Anyway, several alcohol-laden beverages later, and the club started hoppin. We were chatting most of the night, checking out guys for Jim when Nick started texting one of our friends in NJ. Jim and I danced a lot, then we got Nick to dance too, so we all danced the night away. Jim did a few circles around the floor, trying to spot prey, but alas, it wasn't his night. At about 2:30AM (where the hell DID the time go?) we decided to go home, drunk off our asses. Nick made us breakfast sandwiches and by 3:30AM we sent Jim on his way and we went to bed.

Unfortunately I had to wake up at 8:00AM on Sunday to meet my mom to help her out with some computer stuff at her office. Needless to say, I was a steaming pile of shit most of the morning, but eventually pulled out of it by the afternoon. I am not the twentysomething kid I used to be! I used to be able to go to work, go out afterward and drink 'til all hours of the morning, then sleep 2 hours and get up and do it all again with no problem. Now if I don't get my 7 hours sleep plus recuperation time, I'm done in for the entire day. Sucks getting old, doesn't it?

Oh well, we had fun, and will probably do it again sometime soon. Any takers for Jim?

26 September 2005

Iceberg right ahead!

I started a new job a few weeks ago, and from the first moments working there I've had an uneasy feeling about the company. My training (if you could call it training) was disorganized to say the least, and my subsequent deposit at my new office was hurried and unceremonious. Mind you, I wasn't expecting a parade, but at least take more than three minutes to introduce me not only to my new staff, but to the client I will be servicing as well. Add to that a less than warm reception by my new staff, and I am not a happy boy.

What to do? Good question. Stick it out and suffer, hoping things will get better? Perhaps. I'm not a quitter at all, and I hate to give up on something. But at what point do you realize things will not improve and move on? AND, where do you move on to? Such questions and ponderings have been plaguing my mind lately, and I need to figure out what to do.

23 September 2005

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore!

I'm in love. So much so it sometimes scares me. In my wildest dreams I never thought I'd find someone who I would love so deeply, and would love me equally in return. But, as fate would have it, I found it five years ago in my beautiful partner Nick.


(He's the hottie on the left)
Nick is the best thing that has ever happened to me, hands down. He's been there for me through countless numbers of personal crises, and always helps right my way when I'm feeling a bit rudderless. He's not judgmental, always compassionate, and supports me no matter what I decide to do with my life.

Nick and I met on PlanetOut in May 2000. We chatted online for a week or so then met for our first date on Monday, June 5, 2000. It was love at first sight. We had a wonderful dinner, both of us struggling to keep up the conversation as we were both so nervous and so enraptured by the other. The date ended with us in Central Park sitting on a bench at the south end of the Great Lawn and passionately making out for hours. The date ended with us both going to our respective apartments and looking forward to our next date. The rest, they say, is history.

I would be lying if I said we didn't have our share of problems, and we have, but the best part of our relationship is that we both will never give up on the other. We're committed to our lives together, and no matter what happens we always know we'll get through it together.

OK, enough gushy stuff. Time to get back to work!!!

22 September 2005

Fingernails..........gone

In between watching the season premiere of Lost my partner and I were flipping between ABC and CNN to watch the drama unfolding in California with jetBlue flight 292. HOLY COW! Talk about drama. I can't fathom what the passengers and crew were thinking while they were circling and ultimately landing. But thank the cosmos for the pilot and crew of that plane. It couldn't have been a better outcome! I hope they all get raises as they certainly deserve it.



The fact that it was happening on live TV left me asking the question "what if the landing didn't go as smoothly as possible? What if the plane had a tragic landing? Do we really need to see that on live TV?" It really calls into question the lengths journalists will go to get a story. Sure its newsworthy, but do we need to see the carnage? I'm all for freedom of press, but don't you think the press should regulate itself and report in a style that is responsible and informative?

21 September 2005

Does this train go to Times Square?

After a three year hiatus I have returned to work in the urban jungle known as New York City. It was daunting and exciting all at the same time -- having lived in Manhattan for a bunch of years, then move out to the 'burbs to live and work was quite a culture shock. But like all things I adjusted. Suburban life is actually quite nice -- hell, I grew up out in farm country on the east end of Long Island (yes, it really does exist out there!)


As much as I love NYC, there are things about it that don't appeal to my aging sensibilities. For instance, when I arrived in Penn Station that first morning I watched as all the busy worker bees buzzed around each other, pushing and shoving their way up stairwells, cutting each other off in the expansive arrivals hall, and fighting to be the first in line to go through the subway turnstiles. I thought to myself, "Dammit, I refuse to be that person again!" Well, fast forward two weeks and I AM that person again. And I hate it. I catch myself and then say, "hold back, Mikey. It's not worth it."

Last night as I was heading home I was stepping onto the subway when a crowd of people pushed in from behind me and I nearly toppled into passengers in front of me. Mind you, the doors weren't closing, it was just a bunch of unruly and impatient people trying to rush onto the train. After I gathered myself together once again, the train was full. I mean F U L L. Yet they were still trying to push their way in. After the train doors tried to close three or four times, and getting jostled, pushed and dirty looks I finally blurted out "Where the fuck are we, Tokyo???" I guess someone near the doors thought the same thing because the next thing I know, a guy is shoving another one off the train who was holding the doors. As the doors closed, the rest of the passengers clapped, and off we went.

I guess its a good thing for me to take a train home, after dealing with NYC businesspeople and subway nightmares, it's good to wind down the day before I get home. But I still miss my 15 minute commute.

20 September 2005

All the leaves are brown

This is my first official blog. I've logged entries here and there on another site, but not much substance or regularity to it. I've decided I shall try to be more "regular" in the hopes that it will allow me the opportunity to not bottle up my feelings. There will be humor, angst, love, happiness and sorrow filling this blog, so strap on your seatbelt 'cuz this roller coaster is going for a ride.

We begin with my depression. Yes, that's right, I think I may have a case of full-blown depression. Not physiological, but a case of deep doldrums. I don't know why I'm here in this place, but I have to tell you it really really sucks. And why am I depressed? I have a pretty damned good life with a new job where I make damn good money, I have a lovely home, a car, all the mod cons one could want, and a loving partner of five years. What is wrong with me?

When I'm like this I tend to get introspective and analyze myself and my life, but I always come to the same conclusion. I have it made, professionally and personally. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Well, this is a shitty first blog. I promise it won't be a glimpse of what's to come. I really do have good times in my life, which I will write about, but right now I want the earth to swallow me whole.